Reflection on lay-offs, poverty, and planning a sweet meal

This week marks my one year anniversary of working in my current job in homeless services. My life has changed a lot in the past year, and I am a different person now than I was before.

Let me set the stage. A few years ago, I began working for an agency in a stimulus-funded position. It was one of those jobs where I was able to cherry pick who I helped, and how much "help" I gave to them. My job was dependent upon having money to give out. We were paying people's rents and utilities in order to keep them from becoming homeless. In late 2010 and early 2011, I remember being pretty confused by the instructions we were being given about the future of the grant. We had been instructed to spend, spend, spend, in order to get rid of the money faster. Whenever I asked about what that means for our positions, I would receive vague answers, but answers that included statements about how our jobs were secure. The energy at work began feeling very odd, and it was obvious something was fixin' to happen (as we say here in the South).

I openly requested that if there were any bad news, could I please be told before I left for my wedding. Which brings us to May 18, 2011, a Wednesday. I was called into my supervisor's supervisor's office and was told that we had run out of money, and that there would be some shuffling of positions, and because I was the most recently hired of our team, I would be leaving in 2 months. I was devastated. I had put my heart and soul into making this program viable, into making it the most effective I knew how. We were helping people turn their lives around, in a way that is conducive to learning new life skills, and not just a hand out. I knew I'd done such a good job... how could I have to leave? And to top it all off, that was 3 days before our wedding.


Fast forward a few months. In mid-July, there was a going away party, or what I like to call a "sorry we laid you off" party. I was given a nice gift, which included a sweet mint plant, similar to this one.

I received a "sorry we laid you off" mint plant similar to this one.

Soon thereafter, my dog peed on the plant while it was out in the backyard. That was appropriate, because my feelings were still pretty hurt about losing my job.

I started my new job on 7/18/11, with a significant pay cut, and a fresh perspective. No longer was I experiencing the weird office dilemmas of a leadership structure that was oddly semi-communicative. I was being asked for my opinion. My experience brought something to the table. And most notably, I was experiencing a whole new clientele. My perspective changed on what is "real life."

Let me be more specific: In my current job, I see people at their rock bottom. I work mostly with families. Generally speaking, my population is mostly young mothers who grew up in inner city Richmond (or inner city New York or Jersey, who came here for a fresh start), who have 1-6 children, and are either about to be evicted, or have been hopping around friend's/family's homes for the past few years, and have burned all of those bridges. They come to us in crisis. They feel they have nowhere to turn, and they ask me for direction in many areas of their lives.

I direct them for how to get therapy regarding how the abuse experienced in their childhood interacts with their decision-making now. I refer them to people who can help them learn parenting skills for the 4 children they are raising at age 21. I do not talk about birth control with them, because my agency forbids me from discussing that. I help them talk through figuring out where to stay until their turn comes up for homeless shelter on the wait list. I tell them that they are not alone.

My job is really hard. More often than not, I come home and don't want to talk to anyone. My relationships with my friends and my family have depleted because I don't have the psychological energy in the evenings to maintain them. I often feel guilty about not calling my mother back right away or about not putting as much effort into friendships as I had in the past. At the same time, I feel very confident about my participation in this program. I feel like I am where I need to be. I am making a real difference. I am essentially influencing a program, ensuring it is highly effective. I will not do this job forever, but I am glad that I am doing it now.

It has taken a while to "get over" my feelings toward my lay-off. It was a very frustrating time.
But I learned a lot about real life, and I am at such a better place now. So, what better way to celebrate my one year anniversary with my new job, but by using that "sorry we laid you off" mint plant to make something fabulous!
Thus, tonight I will be making Almond-Apricot Chicken with Mint Pesto, using that specific plant! And who better to invite than the one and only Karen B, who worked so closely with me for most of my time at that agency, and was such a great ally throughout that difficult lay-off process. So the next post... will be about how the meal worked out!